What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 03.07.2025 05:07
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Reds Designate Jeimer Candelario For Assignment - MLB Trade Rumors
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
So, i spoilt her more .
I was 9 years of age.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Are cold plunges good for you? Here’s what the science says. - The Washington Post
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Who then, do I blame.?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
NASA Pulls the Plug on Europa Lander, but Scientists Propose a Plan B - Gizmodo
She married twice! .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We were not on the streets..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I think the readers, may guess!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Mountaineers Walk Off Kentucky in NCAA Opener - West Virginia University Athletics
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Kris Jenner 'got daughters invited' to Bezos wedding to meet 'rich significant others' - Irish Star
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Put me off passion for life!!
Confirmed rabies case in Fayetteville after fox bites home inspector - WRAL.com
She was in good health!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
As i do to all so called friends.?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
How do I run away? I'm 15 and live in Oklahoma.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
It was going to be , some day.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I waited trembling.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
All the time i was locked up.
I never cut or harmed myself..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
One cannot live in the past .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She loved him until the end.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She wouldn,t have been !
So whats the point in blame.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I could never make a relationship work though!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Im still living with it.
I said to her
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I couldn’t, believe it.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
When she asked me how she looked .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was seconnd youngest,
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My family never makes their pension either.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I have no regrets .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Comes on , in middle age.
I don,t even have a pension.
He knew the spot.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
(And it was in our own minds.)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Ive learnt so much.
I write beautiful poetry .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But it wasn’t much.
Would this be the day?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Why did i forgive my father ?
And i lived it daily.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I will be 64.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I was scared of men, in general
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
What did i know ?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She found it foreign!.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He resisted the act ,that day.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But, we were locked up after school.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
This is soul school!.
My life is so biszare .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
We all went to grammer schools
I was very sick at this time too.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But ive been too sick for many years..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.